WEATHERING THROUGH THE FACEBOOK FACTOR

My daughter is fourteen and married to a boy she barely knows – on Facebook that is. And even though I recall giving birth just once, she apparently has numerous siblings listed as well, friends and classmates who are all considered part of her family, albeit an online version that departs from reality.

If you’re reading this post, it’s likely you are active on some type of online social or business networking site.  If you have a Facebook account, odds are you have “friends” who have found you from days past; high school or college pals who you somehow fell out of touch with when handwritten communication seemed so laborious and time consuming and being “just a phone call away” got further and further from our weekly routines. You might even be linked to a few people who you may not have known well at all or have never met personally, but with whom you now may be exchanging occasional friendly banter on your “wall.”

Facebook is quite a phenomenon, a supernatural sensation that has truly stormed into our lives and seems here to stay for the foreseeable future. And any parent with a young teen on Facebook could agree it is more of an enigma, a sometimes supernatural disaster, reeking havoc in households, with the power to sink “friend”ships, and expose sensitive layers of our personal information.

Trailing in the wake of this modern wave of online social interaction is the potential for plenty of TMI moments and digital faux pas. Fun as it may be for the kids, Facebook has become yet another activity a parent has to manage and keep watch over. First, the profile image – often able to be viewed by the world with a simple Google search – parents should consider the content of this thumbnail-sized sneak preview. My daughter recently had a profile image of herself posing with “The Naked Cowboy,” a NYC fixture who dons not much more than star-studded briefs, a pair of cowboy boots and a hat while posing with those who come upon him in the city. I’ve seen my own Facebook friends with pictures of themselves with this same guy and have chuckled. But campy as the shot was, I sure didn’t have a comfort level about my teenage daughter in the frame with this dude shown in all his glory as he picked her up in his arms for a grip and grin. Suffice it to say, she was not on the same “page” when I asked her to remove it, as she didn’t see any harm. All I could picture was the admissions review committee of whatever university she might apply to holding up that shot of her with the Western Wonder and giving her a big “Nay” on her application.

Next thing on the checklist – the status updates. Kids, like many adults, are utilizing Facebook as an outlet for opinions and personal expression, and we all know that words can have the power to hurt or offend, and discretion is a learned skill in the university of life. Sticks and stones may break bones but Facebook posts can really hurt. There have been plenty of headlines in the news about bullying on Facebook and even tragic consequences resulting from online jousting.

Relationship status updates are a quirky feature to consider. You don’t need a license to be married. And you can opt out of describing an unfavorable scenario in your lovelife by choosing, “It’s complicated,” which often baits Facebook friends to want more of the scoop. Apparently, for those who “really” are dating someone, and who happen to have that noted on their profile, if the relationship ends, one is supposed to immediately go to Facebook to change that status, and then the comments ensue, often along with the official side-taking. Once a more private matter, a breakup is now VERY public, and can become a Facebook frenzy, especially with teens who often thrive on he said-she said dramas.

Another sticky spot to handle is the ability for users to block posts, so a parent may be totally unaware of certain activity. Many teens have two Facebook pages – one that the parents are privy to and yet another that displays the R-rated stuff. And I mean RAUNCHY!  Wow, there are some cringe-worthy posts and pictures that are bound to qualify as skeletons in the closet for these kids at some point in their adult lives.

Lastly, there’s the good old “LIKE” button, a digital thumbs up that gives some quick supportive feedback without need for elaboration.  I’m thinking the jury is still out on whether to “like” the concept of Facebook for teens.