“Mocktails” – Mixed Drinks or Mixed Messages?

My daughter is about to attend her first high school prom. And with all the excitement that seems to go along with the trimmings to such an event in a teenage girl’s mind – the dress, the hair, the flowers, the fun, the friends – and, apparently, the limo?! – comes just as much concern for the parents, who might worry about possible alcohol use and other temptations. They might be somewhat assuaged to see the “contract” of sorts that the school sends home for all parents and prom attendees to sign, which sets very clear consequences for anyone who violates school policies against use of illegal substances or alcohol, or for other “misconduct,” before, during, or even after the event. They hold the kids AND their parents accountable. This school means business. And administration follows through with enforcing policy. While the discussions take place between parent and child over expectations for appropriate behavior, still, many teens can find themselves along for the ride when the festivities get all too festive.

It got me thinking about where it all started that we associate parties with drinking, and um, ‘partying.’ Who can’t think of an era in civilization depicted in film or historic records where groups gathered for a celebration or meal and didn’t pour some bubbly or grog and hold up a glass, or a stein, or a coconut shell or peace pipe? My daughter might point out cheekily that even Jesus made sure to have wine at events and dinner parties.

I recall a family get-together where the grownups were sitting down for a meal, some with glasses of wine, with the children among us at the table. It had been a while since we had all gotten together and a toast was suggested. We all raised our glasses and started “clanking,” across the table, side to side. I was seated next to my youngest niece, less than two, in her booster seat, and found myself hesitating – until I realized she and her siblings and cousins were right in on the toast! There she was, with her impish grin and twinkling blue eyes, mimicking her elders, “Teers!!” she softly squeaked, as she banged her sippy cup into my stemware filled with Pinot Noir. I quickly wiped the puddle of red wine from her food tray and dabbed a wet napkin to get the stain off her floral romper. As endearing as the moment seemed, I wondered, “should we ACTUALLY be showing them this?” I looked around and saw that no one else seemed put-off, and in fact, the parents and kids were toasting and re-toasting, getting a real kick out of this expression of unity and celebration. “Drink up!” My nephew jested, to a round of chuckles. It was interesting to observe.

That wasn’t the only time I watched an episode of “Cheers.” A few years ago, on the evening of my daughter’s 8^th grade graduation dinner dance, parents were kindly invited to gather at a home of one of the girls for photographs. There they were, each of the girls, looking so pretty and dolled up for this right of passage, posing for pictures, holding up the finest crystal our hostess had filled with sparkling cider, toasting in unison for the photo-op. It didn’t escape the girls it was a simulation of a champagne toast as they joked about their glassfuls of “bubbly.”  They loved feeling “as if” they were all grown up. They were having a blast. It appeared the group in attendance thought it harmless enough.

Mind you, as a child I thought it was quite special to be taken to dinner with my grandparents, as they made sure to order my sister and me Shirley Temples, while my brother got the Roy Rogers. My own daughter used to order a Shirley Temple with extra cherries if we went out, but now she thinks she’s outgrown them. The savvy restaurant trend has been to offer the option of  “virgin” daiquiris for non-drinkers or the kiddies – and they can charge even more than they do for a glass of ice with cherry-colored soda!

I dunno. Maybe I’m just making a mountain out of a “Mock”tail. But perhaps teen drinking may not be so much a poor decision on a teen’s part that adults are compelled to warn and discipline against so much as an understandable mirroring of a societal behavior we’ve been modeling all along??