“Hero” or “Human” – Which Would You Rather Your Child See When They Look At You?

As parents, we draw most of our working knowledge from our own experiences of how we were raised. We’ve grown to realize our mothers, fathers, grandparents and guardians taught us  many lessons, including some that may not have become apparent until years later. Parents’ responses to life events, major or inconsequential, all provide feedback for their children who go on to form beliefs. Kids develop a perceived sense for what’s right or wrong, good or bad, ‘okay or ‘no way.’ Since parents nurture, provide, and advise, young kids naturally tend to admire or are expected to consider them as their “Heroes.”

So what happens when you – the parent – fail at something – when you’ve downright screwed up as a grownup? How about when your child learns something unflattering about you, the one they are supposed to respect? Have your kids ever seen you knocked off the pedestal by your choices and their consequences? Can you go from “Hero” to “Zero?”

A few years back, at my daughter’s eighth-grade graduation, she presented me with a beautiful, symbolic red rose. Each child in the graduating class was sent out into the audience of family and friends. They were told to present the rose to the person in their life who they found to be most influential, the person they considered their hero. I watched as many of the young graduates went about the room, handing roses to their grandmothers, older siblings, dads, and mostly, to the moms who were present. It was very touching. I admit I expected it seemed natural I’d be the one to receive my daughter’s sentiment – but her father, grandparents and aunts were present – so I wondered if she might choose another role model than me. After all, the few years before had been tough for us as I fumbled along as a single mom, knowing not all of my actions and their repercussions were that of an ideal candidate for adoration. She ended up tangled in a few of the harder lessons in life that I had to experience. But I had done my best under complicated circumstances and I protected her from my foibles as much as possible.

As a parent learning on the job, it became very clear to me – I knew one thing I would always stand for and on which I would do my best to follow through – to be ‘human’ for her. I would always be as honest and ‘real’ as I could be for her – to be true to her – and to myself. And she told me in that moment as she passed the rose to me, “Mom, you deserve this. I love you so much, no matter what’s happened. You make me know I’m safe and it’s all going to be okay.”

So if someone asks me what’s the best thing you can teach your kids I can say from personal experience it would be to live by and teach your TRUTH, however messy or clumsy or unpopular it can get at times – because that’s real life. I won’t pretend to know more than I do and I won’t resort to attempts to impress my kid by being something that I’m not.

By showing kids accountability and responsibility when you’ve disappointed them or did not follow the example you upheld all along – you can be one of the best teachers they’ll ever have. It’s where authenticity counts. Maybe the best advice a “Hero” can follow when they’ve fallen or been knocked off their pedestal is to get back up, dust off their humiliation or embarrassment, stand tall in their space, acknowledge their learning curve and recompose themselves – and from that point move along with a renewed commitment to be their highest self, even if the tag that says “HUMAN” is peeking out from their collar.

Your child will learn from you no matter what. And by showing your “all-truism,” you may become their greatest hero – in time.